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5 People Cheated Out of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

No surprise, this is a Gladstone article. That man hasn’t been funny since he declared his official retirement from humor by publishing an article on why Jewish comedians are the best comedians, citing numerous examples from his own Jewish upbringing and his own Jewish family and his own Jewish heroes, and including an alleged joke about a Jew in a restaurant who trolls the wait staff and thinks he’s doing them a favor. Since then, he has made his living by putting forth the material of a very tired Jerry Seinfeld who does not yet realize that airline food is not funny.

The title of the article is misleading. This is not a story of dramatic twists, with back-stabbing, double-dealing and surprises. This is not about artists who would have had the award, had they not been cheated by unscrupulous sources. Nope, this is about five bands that Gladdy thinks deserves the award, because he likes them, and he boo hoo hoos because they’ve never been recognized by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I wanted to read an article about intrigue behind the scenes, with payoffs to boost one band at the expense of another. What I got was Gladstone.

His intro: He asserts that the Beatles were the best band ever and ever, so to be a good band you must be as much like the Beatles as possible. Therefore, any band that tries a different route in their career is not deserving of awards. Because, you know, there’s no way that the Hall would not want every band to do everything the Beatles did. Having now reframed his article into “5 Bands That Have a Lot in Common With the Beatles But Aren’t In the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame”, he’s ready to proceed.

5: The Cars. - I like the Cars. Lots of people do. They’re a good band. But, don’t play up the fact that they made boring music videos as a virtue. You can’t earn awards for making bad videos, no matter how much Gladstone loves you.

4: Jethro Tull - Why are we having this conversation? The Hall is about rock and roll. JT is only loosely affiliated with that genre. The Hall is here to celebrate people who make rock and roll, which is a genre of music that has borders, boundaries, and set principles. If you have not accomplished greatness within the bounds of rock and roll, then you don’t get celebrated.

3: Peter Gabriel - Gladstone loves him some Peter Gabe. If you don’t, you’re an inbred rapist with a mullet. Never mind that PG already got in for his work in Genesis. Also, that all of PG’s best work was with Genesis. Nope, a performer that Gladdy likes didn’t get in TWICE, so this is an offense to all music. Cheated.

2: Jeff Lynne - The big cheese of Electric Lights Orchestra, an utterly forgettable 70s band that classic rock stations don’t play. Also, he’s a big time songwriter. But Gladstone has to show off his classic-rock hipster chops by telling you about an obscure figure from bygone era. Next.

1: Kate Bush - One-hit wonder don’t get in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yes, she has a great voice, and a great story, and she’s done a lot of great songs that never really took the charts. But that’s true of lots of bands. Sorry, Kate, and sorry to Kate fans, but she’s a one-hit.

So, instead of reading this garbage from Gladstone, I present this to remind you that Cracked is a great humor site plagued with occasional annoyances. Ignore the bad, enjoy the good.